


The Mask: Hazbin Hotel Edition

by FurbyDisaster53



Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [16]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Human Blitzo (Helluva Boss), Human Stolas (Helluva Boss), Humor, Loona is a literal dog, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29318019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurbyDisaster53/pseuds/FurbyDisaster53
Summary: A nobody bank clerk named Blitzo Rogers discovers a magical mask, and it changes his entire life. Whenever he wears it, he becomes a confident, mischievous, super powered playboy. He strives to win over local nightclub singer Stolas Goetia, while both crime lords and the police try to stop Blitzo’s chaos.
Relationships: Blitzo & Loona (Helluva Boss), Blitzo/Stolas Goetia, Blitzo/Verosika (Helluva Boss)
Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974124
Comments: 192
Kudos: 30





	1. The Nicest Guy

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I technically could have called this a Helluva Boss parody, but saying Hazbin Hotel is a course of habit by now.

Once there was a man named Blitzo Rogers. He had black hair, brown eyes, owned a dog, and worked in the Edge City bank. His life wasn’t interesting whatsoever. The most anyone could ever say about him was that he was nice. Little did he know, his life was about to change, and it would be all thanks to a wooden mask in the lake.

At the bank, Blitzo smiled as he held out two concert tickets to a woman named Rosie. “I got those concert tickets you wanted,” he said. 

“You’re joking! Blitzo, this is fantastic,” Rosie smiled. 

“Eh, it was no big deal. So what time should I pick you up?” Blitzo asked.

“Oh...well, my oldest and dearest friend came into town and I know she would love to go to this. Do you believe we could get an extra ticket for her?” Rosie asked. 

“Fuck, they're out. They're sold out,” Blitzo groaned. 

“Oh dear! I simply can't let her sit home all alone,” said Rosie, causing Blitzo to let out a pensive sigh. 

“Why don't you just go with your friend?” he asked.

“Blitzo, I couldn't do that,” Rosie replied.

“No, go on,” Blitzo insisted.

“Blitzo, you are the nicest man in the world. Husk, isn't Blitzo just the nicest?” Rosie asked, as she looked over at Blitzo’s friend and coworker. 

“Yeah, he’s great,” Husk nodded.

Once Rosie walked off, Husk turned to Blitzo. “That was the most pathetic fucking thing I've ever seen,” he stated.

“Well, I like to think I'm wearing her down,” Blitzo smiled. 

“Listen Blitzo, you know what you need? A little change of pace. You need to stop worrying about your sad love life and relax. Tonight, I'm gonna give you that chance,” Husk said. 

“Alright, I’m interested,” Blitzo replied.

“It’s called the Loo Loo Club...shitty name, I know, but it's the hottest new joint in town,” Husk explained. 

“Sounds fun, but you forgot one little thing. We’re shitty nobodies. How would we get in?” Blitzo asked.

“Leave it to me. Trust me, tonight is gonna be great,” Husk said.

Just then, the two of them heard thunder outside. “Damnit, I forgot my umbrella!” Blitzo shouted.

Just then, a man stepped inside of the bank. He was tall and wore an expensive, tailored suit. His dark hair was styled perfectly, and everything about him read ‘sexy’. Blitzo was absolutely speechless at the sight of him. 

“Holly shit….” he muttered.

Husk noticed his friend staring at the man and sighed. “Go get him,” he stated.

Blitzo excitedly rushed over to the tall stranger. “Hey there,” he said, attempting to play it casually.

“Hello! Where can I open a new account?” the man asked.

“Right here! Follow me,” Blitzo said. 

The two walked to Blitzo’s desk and he looked back at the stranger. “So...what kind of account do you have in mind?” he asked.

“I'm not entirely sure. You see, I'm simply awful with things like that,” the man explained, before he noticed Blitzo’s red and black abstract tie. “That's an interesting tie, Mister...?” 

“Rogers, Blitzo Rogers,” Blitzo smiled, as he held out a hand. 

“Stolas Goetia. Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he smiled, as he shook Blitzo’s hand. 

“Pleasure’s all mine!” Blitzo replied. Stolas. It was such a nice name. Blitzo would have launched into endlessly complimenting the man, but he had no idea how to go about that.

“As I was saying about that tie, it reminds me a bit of a Rorschach test,” Stolas said.

“Yes, exactly! That’s the point,” Blitzo smiled, as he pretended to know what a Rorschach test was.

“May I get a closer look?” Stolas asked.

“Go right ahead,” Blitzo nodded.

Before he knew it, Stolas had gently grabbed the tie and began pulling Blitzo closer. “It almost looks like a young man riding bareback,” Stolas said.

“Uh huh….yep,” Blitzo replied, his face flushed. 

“What do you see, Mr. Blitzo?” Stolas asked, a sly smirk on his face. 

Blitzo pulled back and looked down at his tie. “Uh...you know, bright colors. It's a power tie. It's supposed to make you feel...um….badass and shit,” Blitzo explained.

“Does it work?” Stolas purred.

“Uhhh…..not important. So, how about that account?” Blitzo asked.

“Huh, we have a ton of different plans. Savings, checking, savings and checking, CDs, savings and CDs, checking and CDs, savings, checking and CDs, T-bills. Or we could just take all your money and throw it in a big ass mattress back there,” Blitzo said, causing Stolas to laugh.

“Okay, I have some forms you'll have to fill out,” Blitzo said, as he got out some paper.

He didn’t notice that Stolas’s bag had a hidden camera in it; one that he was angling toward the safe in the corner of the room.

Elsewhere, at the Loo Loo Club, a man with wild green and black hair and his associates were watching Stolas’s camera feed. “Beautiful, isn’t it? What do you think, Val?” he asked, turning to a man in heart shaped sunglasses. 

“Layout isn’t bad, but the motion detectors are a pain in the ass,” he replied.

“You can pull it off, can’t you?” asked the man with green hair.

“Relax, Fizzarolli. I can pull off anything. But I have one question. What does Vox have to say about all this?” Valentino asked. 

“Nothing. I don’t think it’s really his business,” Fizzarolli replied. 

“Everything is his business. He owns you, he owns this club, he owns this whole fucking town,” Valentino stated, however, Fizzarolli wasn’t paying attention. “Are you even listening? You mess with Vox, you’ll end up taking a dirt nap,” he added.

Fizzarolli laughed at that. “He's the only one who's napping! And I'm about to give him a hell of a wake-up call,” he growled. “But we need some cash, so first we take the bank, then we take Vox, and then school is out...and this whole city is our playground,” he finished.

The two of them began to laugh, confident that nothing was going to stand in the way of their plan to dominate Edge City. 

Afterwards, Blitzo was headed to the Von Eldritch Car Shop. He brought his car in for an oil change not too long ago, and now he needed to pick it up. 

“Hello? Hello?!” Blitzo called, as he walked inside. 

“Damn, I’m coming! Don't get your panties in a twist,” said Helsa, as she started walking over. 

Just then, her brother Seviathan hurried over to her with a car part. “Helsa, what the fuck is this?” he asked.

“Hmm, I don't know….about 700 dollars!” she exclaimed, causing her brother to laugh. Helsa turned her attention to Blitzo. “So, what can I do for you?” she asked.

“I'm here for the Civic,” Blitzo answered.

“Damn, I hate to tell you this, but the brake drums are shot and you need a new transmission,” Seviathan replied.

“All I wanted was a fucking oil change,” Blitzo stated.

“Hey, you're lucky you caught these problems now before they cause you some serious trouble. Sign right here and press down hard,” Helsa said, as she shoved a paper in Blitzo’s hands. 

“There's no price,” Blitzo said. 

“Trust us, there will be,” Helsa returned.

“I don't have a car. I have to have a car tonight,” said Blitzo.

“Seviathan! Bring around the loaner,” Helsa said.

“The loaner?” Seviathan asked, a devious smile on his face.

“The loaner?” Blitzo repeated, as a feeling of dread grew. 

This was going to be a long night.


	2. Trying it On

That night, Blitzo pulled up to the Loo Loo Club in his dirty, banged up, loaner car. It instantly got everyone’s attention for all the wrong reasons. 

“It’s a classic!” Blitzo shouted, just before the vallet, Tom Trench, drove away in it.

He spotted Husk talking with two girls, Dia and Summer, so he hurried over. “Husk!” he exclaimed.

“Blitzo! Dia, Summer, I want you to meet my friend Blitzo Rogers, huge in the banking business,” Husk said.

“Hell yeah I am….okay not really,” Blitzo said.

“Is Blitzo like...a nickname or something?” Dia asked.

“Nope. I legally changed it as soon as I went to college. It was a whole thing. Hey, uh...what do you say we get in the club, huh?” Blitzo asked, with a nervous smile.

Husk spotted the bouncer, Vortex, and waved at him. “Hey, Tex! How are you doing? It's Husk,” he said.

Vortex walked over and pulled back the velvet rope. “Hey, Husk, how you doing?” he asked. 

“Kinda shitty. You?” Husk asked.

“Can’t complain. Long time no see, come on in,” Vortex said. 

“Cool, thanks,” Husk smiled.

Husk, Dia, and Summer headed inside, but as Husk and Vortex talked, Blitzo had gotten left behind. 

“Uh….Tex? Husk. Husk!” Blitzo shouted. “Fucking perfect,” he muttered, before crossing the rope.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but you can’t cross the rope,” Vortex said.

“Relax, my friends are inside. I’m just going to meet them,” Blitzo replied.

“Not if you aren’t on the list,” said Vortex.

“Just fucking let me in!” Blitzo shouted.

Vortex glared at Blitzo, then he picked him up, and carried him out to the parking lot. “Hey! Put me down, asshole!” Blitzo shouted.

Vortex put Blitzo down and headed back to guarding the entrance. Blitzo started to walk off, then he slipped and landed in a puddle. “Shit!” he yelled.

Just then, a car drove up. Stolas stepped out in a tux, and gave Blitzo a friendly smile. “Hello again, Blitzo,” he said.

“Hi,” Blitzo replied, as Stolas looked him over. 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Huh? Oh, I'm great. For sure. I never felt better,” Blitzo replied. 

Tom drove up in the loaner and handed Blitzo the keys. “Your car, sir,” he said. 

Blitzo’s eyes widened and he looked at Stolas. “Uh...that's not my car,” he said. 

“But it matches the ticket,” Tom returned. 

“Whatever. I'll take it. But I am super pissed!” Blitzo yelled, before he stepped in the car. 

Stolas waved at Blitzo. Blitzo nervously waved back, then he drove away from the club.

Blitzo was driving over the bridge when his loaner stopped. “Damnit,” he muttered. 

Blitzo stepped out of the car to see what it was, and it immediately began to fall apart. Blitzo sighed and walked towards the edge of the bridge to look at the lake. He saw what looked like a man floating in it.

“Hey, asshole!” Blitzo shouted, but he got no response. “You okay?!” he yelled, but once again, he didn’t get an answer. “Hold on! I know CPR!” yelled Blitzo. 

He headed into the lake, only to find that it wasn’t a person, but a pile of junk. He looked through it and found a strange looking wooden mask. He nearly put it on, but a police man suddenly called to him. 

“Hey, you! What are you doing down there?” he asked.

“I was just looking for...my mask! Found it!” Blitzo yelled. 

Soon, Blitzo was back in his apartment building and heading up to his room. He stopped when he saw his landlord, Miss Katie Killjoy, step out of her room.

“Rogers! Do you know what fucking time it is?” she asked. 

“No, no I don’t,” Blitzo stated.

“My new carpet!” Katie gasped, when she saw Blitzo dripping water onto the floor. “This is coming right out of your fucking security deposit, Rogers,” she said. 

“You know, Miss Killjoy…” Blitzo began.

“What?!” Katie shouted.

“Nothing,” Blitzo sighed.

“Well, that's what you are, Rogers...a big nothing!” Katie yelled, before she went back into her room. 

“Shouldn’t you be choking on some bastard’s dick right now? I should've said that,” Blitzo muttered, before he stepped into his apartment. 

As soon as he did, his dog, a little, grey terrier named Loona, ran over to him.

“Hey Loona, you know you're not supposed to jump up. It's against doggie orders,” Blitzo said, as he started to pet her. 

Loona ran under the bed to get her frisbee, and Blitzo turned on one of his cartoon compilation videos. He noticed Loona standing there with the frisbee in her mouth. “What’s up? You want me to throw that? Okay, I'll throw it one time,” Blitzo said, as he took it from her.

“You ready?” he asked. “Get it!” yelled Blitzo, as he tossed the frisbee. 

Loona jumped up and caught it. Blitzo heard Katie pounding on the wall. “Rogers, turn down those damn cartoons!” she screamed.

“All right, Mrs. Killjoy!” Blitzo returned. 

He turned to channel, and the program was simply two women at an interview. “So, Dr. Polilla, you're saying that everybody wears a mask?” asked one. 

“That's right, Crymini. We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking. We keep our darkest desires hidden, and adopt a more socially acceptable image,” the other woman replied.

“Well, the book is of course, ‘The Masks We Wear’, by Dr. Vaggie Polilla. Thank you so much for being with us today,” Crymini said.

Blitzo turned off the TV and noticed Loona growling by the mask. “What the hell is going on with you?” he asked.

“What is it? What are you looking for, girl?” Blitzo asked, before he picked up the mask. “You like this thing? You like it?” he asked, before walking over to the mirror with it.

“‘The Masks We Wear. That's correct, Millie. We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking’," Blitzo said, mocking the program that was on before.

Blitzo looked down at the mask in his hands. He had no idea why, but he almost felt compelled to try it on. As if the mask was calling to him. “Eh, why the fuck not?” Blitzo shrugged, before he put it on.

Despite being made of wood, the mask had an elasticity to it. It covered the back of Blitzo’s head, then it began to stretch and morph to fit his face. Loona got scared and hid under the bed. Blitzo began wildly spinning around. When he stopped, he had on a black suit and a red and white mask on his face. 

“Ssssmokin'!” he exclaimed, before running back to the mirror. “It's party time! P-a-r-t... y? Because I gotta!” the Mask smiled.

The Mask slowly crept out of his room, trying not to wake up Miss Killjoy. Just then, an alarm clock jumped out of his pocket and onto the floor. The clock was loudly jumping around, so the Mask did the first thing he could think to do. He got a giant mallet and smashed the clock into dozens of pieces. 

“Yeah, don’t mess with me!” he exclaimed.

At that, Katie came out of her room and screamed at the sight of the Mask. He screamed when he saw her too, his eyes popping out of their sockets. Katie grabbed her shotgun and began firing, but the Mask didn’t get hit. He immediately jumped out the window and landed on the road below. 

“Look, ma, I'm roadkill!” the Mask shouted.

A car drove over and started honking its horn at him. “I think he wants to chat,” the Mask smiled. He pulled a horn out of his pocket and honked it. The sound was so loud, it shattered the car’s windows.

The Mask continued walking down the street, when he was approached by a man named Ace. “Hey, mister! You got the time?” he asked, as a few of his fellow gang members walked out. 

“As a matter of fact, I do, buddy!” the Mask smiled. 

“You wanna take him?” whispered a gang member named Kat.

“I got him,” answered one named Coco. 

The Mask pulled out a clock and looked at it. “Look at that! It's exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head,” he smiled, before doing exactly that to Ace.

He shoved Ace toward the other gang members, then ran off. “He is so dead!” yelled a member named Kiki. 

All of them hurried in the direction the Mask left. Surprisingly, he was standing behind a booth and dressed like a carnival barker. “Step right up here, don't be shy! There’s plenty of balloons for everybody! Move your asses!” he shouted.

The gang cautiously walked over to him, and the Mask smiled at a member named Josh. “For my first trick, I'm going to do something for you, kiddo,” he said. 

The Mask quickly made a balloon animal. “We have a giraffe!” he exclaimed, before handing it to Josh. “There you go, kid. Now get outta here. You bother me,” he said. 

“Wow…” Josh said, as he looked over the balloon animal.

“Now…” the Mask said, before he pulled out a condom. “Sorry, wrong pocket,” he said, before grabbing a balloon. “For you, kid…” he said, looking at Ace.

He twisted up a balloon animal and held it out to him. “A French poodle,” the Mask said, before popping it with a needle. “Sorry, sport, the dog was rabid. Had to put it down,” he said.

“And last but not least, my favorite!” the Mask said, before he twisted another balloon. When he was finished, it turned into a real gun. “A Tommy gun!” he exclaimed. 

“Run!” Coco shouted.

The gang members ran off as the Mask shot at them. Once they were gone, he smiled to himself. “This is incredible. With these powers, I could be...a superhero!  
I could fight crime, protect the innocent, work for world peace!” he exclaimed, before pausing. “But first….” he said.

At the Von Eldritch car shop, Helsa and Seviathan were sitting together and laughing. Just them, the Mask swung open the door and stepped inside. 

“Hold on to your lug nuts, it's time for an overhaul, motherfuckers!” he yelled.


	3. The Next Morning

When Blitzo woke up, he was back in his apartment, lying in his bed, wearing his horse pajamas. He had vague memories of the night before, but everything seemed normal. The mask was lying on his dresser just where he left it. 

“It was a dream. It was a dream. I gotta lay off the cartoons,” he muttered.

Just then, Blitzo heard a knock at the door. When he opened it, he saw a brunette with glasses and a suit standing on the other side. “Rogers? Blitzo Rogers?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Blitzo nodded.

“Lieutenant Alastor Landry, City Precinct. Pleasure to meet you. Would you happen to know anything about the disturbance last night?” he asked.

“Disturbance?” Blitzo asked.

“Yes, it appears some sort of prowler broke in and attacked Miss Killjoy,” Alastor explained.

“Attacked?” Blitzo asked, his eyes widening. 

“Didn't you hear anything? She fired a few gunshots five feet from your door,” Alastor said. 

Blitzo looked out the doorway, and sure enough, Katie and a few police officers were standing near the hole in the floor his mallet made last night.

“This is... impossible,” Blitzo said. 

“Sir, your pajamas are impossible. This actually happened,” Alastor returned. 

“See, I have this inner ear problem. Sometimes I can’t hear shit,” Blitzo explained.

“Is that so?” asked Alastor. 

“What did you say? I didn’t catch it,” Blitzo said. 

Alastor handed Blitzo a slip of paper. “Here's my card. If you remember anything  
unusual about last night, please give me a call,” he said.

“Gotcha, gotcha. Thanks. And good luck....crackin' the case,” Blitzo smiled.

“Thank you my friend, but I don’t need it. I always get my man,” Alastor replied, before he walked off.

Blitzo shut his door. “Holy fucking shit, it happened,” he muttered, before noticing the clock. “Dammit! I'm late!” he shouted, before he ran to get dressed. “Loonie, baby, find my keys!” he added.

Loona found Blitzo’s keys, and soon enough he was done getting dressed. “Good girl!” Blitzo smiled, before he tried to take the keys from her. However, Loona didn’t loosen her grip. “Loona, drop them. Drop them!” Blitzo shouted. The dog finally let go, and Blitzo hurried out the door.

Shortly afterwards, policemen and reporters were gathered at the Von Eldritch repair shop. One reporter, a blonde woman in a pink jacket, hurried over to Alastor. “I'm with ‘The Evening Star.’ Can you tell me what happened here?” she asked. 

“I’m afraid I’m as clueless as you, dear,” Alastor replied.

“It looks like some kind of mob attack,” the reporter said.

“Miss, I can assure you this was no mob attack,” Alastor replied, before he turned to the other policemen. “Come on, let’s get the Von Eldritches to the hospital!” he ordered. The reporter rolled her eyes and walked off, making her way to the bank.

Blitzo walked into work, and Husk walked over to him. “Blitzo! Where were you last night? I looked all over,” he said. 

“Did you happen to look outside...in the fucking gutter?” Blitzo stated.

“Look, I’m sorry for leaving you. Trust me, I won’t do it again. The place was a shithole anyway. On the plus side, your boyfriend got a great review,” Husk said, as he handed Blitzo a newspaper. The front page had a picture of Stolas’s performance from the night before.

Just then, their boss, Mr. Pentious, stormed over. “Rogers, you are approximately 40 minutes late. That's essentially the same as stealing,” he said. 

“I'm sorry, Mr. Pentious. It'll never happen again. I've been a dick,” Blitzo sighed.

“Well, if you weren't busy fawning over a man in the news, you may actually get  
some work done,” Pentious returned.

“Uh, sir, he's a prospective client of Blitzo's,” Husk explained. 

“He is? In that case, the next time he comes in, make certain to send him to my office,” Pentious said.

“Yep, gotcha,” Blitzo nodded, as Pentious walked away.

“Wos, I wish my dad owned a bank. Then I could be a rich little fuckwad, too,” Husk said. 

“You think Stolas will ever come back, Husk?” Blitzo asked. 

“Blitzo, forget him. Listen to me, a guy like that is always looking for the BBD…” Husk began.

“Biggest, best dick?” Blitzo asked.

“No, the bigger better deal,” Husk explained. 

“You don't know that. He's an artist. He’s sensitive and shit,” said Blitzo. 

“You don’t know that. That bastard will tear out your heart, put it in a blender, and call it a day. You don't need him, you need somebody a little more down to earth, somebody with some integrity, somebody with…” Husk started, before he saw the reporter walk in. “Blonde hair and bright, violet eyes. A white blouse, a pink  
jacket and a name tag,” he finished.

“Fuck, you really narrowed it down,” Blitzo said.

“Yeah, and she’s standing right there. Go talk to her,” Husk said. 

Blitzo saw the reporter, took a deep breath, and walked over. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“Blitzo Rogers?” the woman asked. 

“That’s me,” Blitzo smiled.

“I'm Verosicka Mayday from ‘The Tribune’,” she said. 

“Oh, hi. Look, I canceled my subscription because they kept stealing my paper from…” Blitzo began, causing Verosicka to laugh.

“Relax, I’m just here to ask you a few questions,” she said.

“About what?” Blitzo asked. 

“The Von Eldritch repair shop. You're a customer of theirs, right?” Verosicka asked.

Blitzo was internally panicking; worried that this had to do with the Mask. “Who me? Oh, I don't even have a car. You know, 'cause they pollute and shit,” he answered.

“You don't own an '89 Civic?” Verosicka asked.

“Oh, that car, yeah. That car is an exception. Hey, what'd you say your name was?” Blitzo asked.

“Verosicka Mayday,” she replied. 

“Wait a sec... Verosicka Mayday? Of ‘Ask Verosicka?’ You printed one of my letters last year! ‘Nice Guys Finish Last’,” Blitzo smiled.

“You're Mr. Nice Guy?” Verosicka asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah!” Blitzo nodded.

“Damn! Blitzo, you have no idea how much mail we got about that letter. There are literally hundreds of people out there looking for a guy just like you,” Verosicka said.

“Really?” Blitzo asked in disbelief.

“Duh. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood. Plus they have pencil dicks,” Verosicka explained.

“So, uh...why are you covering this story?” Blitzo asked.

“Because the pay for ‘Dear Verosicka’ is shit. I want to be a real reporter. Look, Blitzy, sweetie, when you were at the Von Eldritches’, did you see anything strange?  
Anything at all? I won't make trouble for you. I just want the truth,” Verosika said.

“I wish I knew the truth. I really do,” Blitzo replied, before he let out a sigh. “I don’t think I saw anything,” he said. 

“Well, if you think of anything, this is my number. My….personal number,” Verosicka smirked, as she slipped the paper to Blitzo. 

“You really think hundreds of people are looking for a guy like me?” Blitzo asked.

“Sure. I'm one of 'em,” Verosicka purred, before she blew Blitzo a kiss. “See you later,” she said.

Blitzo watched Verosicka leave and looked down at the paper in his hand. He smiled softly to himself. Maybe there was someone better for him out there.

Meanwhile, Vox was in his office, and Fizzaroli stepped inside. “Hello, Fizzaroli. Thanks for coming over,” Vox said. 

“Uh huh, good to see you to. Whaddya want?” Fizzaroli asked.

Vox pushed Fizzaroli to the ground and placed a golf tee in his mouth. “The police tried to shut the club down this morning. They say you've been using the place to run your own little schemes. When I hear things like that, I start losing my concentration. And my game goes straight to hell,” Vox explained, as he put a ball on the tee. 

“You could too,” he growled, before using his golf club to hit the ball away.

“SHIT!” Fizzaroli screamed, as his lip started bleeding. 

“I'm sick of your shit, Fizzaroli, but I'm going to cut you a break...one week to get out of town. If you’re still here, I’ll use your empty little skull to break in my new nine-iron,” Vox stated. “Now, get the fuck out of my sight,” he finished.

Fizzaroli shakily got to his feet, then he ran off. He had to get out of town.


	4. The Club

That night, Blitzo had been fast asleep, dreaming about going to the club without making a fool of himself. He woke up to see Loona licking his face. “Loona! Oh, come on,” he said, shooing the dog away.

Blitzo saw the mask on the couch. The idea of wearing it to the club crossed his mind, but he shook his head. “Nope. I won’t do that,” he said.

However, being a man of little self control, Blitzo put it on anyway. He spun as he transformed, and his pajamas became a black tux. “Hold on, baby, Daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight!” he exclaimed, as he looked at the newspaper with Stolas’s photo. 

The Mask ran over to the mirror and started to clean up. He admired his reflection with a smile. “Somebody stop me!” he said. Just then, he realized his pockets were empty. “Damn, can't make the scene if you don't have the green. Looks like I better make a little stop,” the Mask said, before he left the apartment.

Meanwhile, at the bank, Valentino, Velvet, and Travis were getting ready to rob the bank. Valentino had been on a call with Fizzaroli. “How's it going, Val?” he asked.

“Everything looks just fine,” Valentino replied. 

“Okay, you guys are on your own now. I got to get downstairs and make sure I'm seen,” Fizzaroli said. 

“Do it. We’ll be done in no time,” Valentino said, before the two hung up.

Valentino, Travis, and Velvet made their way to the bank. Before they could go inside, the Mask spun out, carrying cartoonishly large bags of money. “Sorry, assholes. Waste not, want not!” he smiled, before hurrying away.

The three of them sat there, trying to figure out what happened, when they saw police cars in the distance.

“I can’t go back to jail!” Velvet yelled. 

“Scatter!” Valentino shouted, as the three of them ran.

Elsewhere, at the Loo Loo Club, the Mask rode up in a limo. Everyone watched as the suave, mysterious stranger walked over to Vortex.

“Sir, are you on the list?” he asked.

“Nope, but my friends are. Maybe you know them…” the Mask said, as he pulled out two stacks of money. “Franklin, Grant and Jackson,” he smiled. 

The Mask slipped a bribe to Vortex, then threw the rest of it towards the crowd. As they went wild trying to catch it, the Mask strolled inside the club and found a seat.

“And now we present to you the most charming man in the Loo Loo Club, Mister Stolas Goetia,” an announcer said. 

Stolas walked onstage, dressed to the nines. Both Fizzaroli and the Mask watched from the audience.

“Love makes me treat you  
The way that I do  
Gee, baby  
Ain't I good to you?

There's nothing too good  
For a boy that's so true  
Gee, baby  
Ain't I good to you?

I bought you a fur  
coat for Christmas  
A diamond ring  
A Cadillac car and everything

Love makes me treat you  
The way that I do  
Gee, baby, ain't I good to you?” Stolas sang, before he stepped off the stage. 

“Love makes me treat you  
The way that I do  
Gee, baby  
Ain't I good to you?

There's nothin' too good  
For a man so true  
Gee, honey  
Ain't I good to you?” Stolas continued.

As Fizzaroli watched and smoked a cigarette, the Mask’s jaw dropped. Literally. His heart was practically beating out of his chest. As Stolas continued singing, Velvet ran over to Fizzaroli. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Fizzaroli asked.

“We have a problem. You'd better come upstairs,” she replied.

Fizzaroli rolled his eyes and followed Velvet out. 

“Love makes me treat you the way that I do  
Gee, baby, ain't I good to you?

They got me paying taxes  
For what I gave to you

Gee, baby, ain't I good to you?” Stolas finished.

The Mask howled and whistled,then he ran over to the stage himself. 

“Let's rock this joint!” he exclaimed. 

The band happily went along with it, and they began playing music. The Mask held out a hand to Stolas, and Stolas took it. The two began dancing with one another. Despite being shorter than Stolas, the Mask was able to effortlessly lift and spin him. Stolas was impressed by the stranger’s dancing, and soon all eyes in the club were on them. 

Meanwhile, upstairs, Fizzaroli looked at Valentino. “What happened out there?” he asked, noticing that Valentino had gotten shot. 

“Somebody robbed the place before we could,” Valentino answered, shortly before dying in his seat. 

“Son of a bitch! Velvet! Velvet, who did this?” Fizzaroli asked. 

Velvet looked out of the office window and spotted the Mask and Stolas. Him! That's him!” she exclaimed.

“That guy dancing with Stolas? He’s fucking dead,” Fizzaroli stated, as he left the office. “Come on!” he shouted, making Velvet rush to follow him. 

Stolas and the Mask were still dancing. After spinning Stolas and tossing him into the air, the Mask caught him. Once Stolas was in his arms, the Mask dipped him and gave him a smile. 

“I want this place cleared right now!” Fizzaroli shouted, as he walked in.

The Mask pulled Stolas into a passionate kiss. Stolas kissed back, and in the heat of the moment, his shoes flew off. When Fizzaroli saw, he immediately shot the Mask. He wasn’t hurt, but a piece of his suit fell off and turned back into his pajama fabric. 

“Hello!” the Mask said, as he put Stolas down. 

“Club's closed. Move it, bitches!” Velvet shouted, as the crowd started running out of the club. 

“Stolas, get out of here,” Fizzaroli growled. 

Stolas got up and followed the rest of the guests out. Soon, the Mask, Fizzaroli, and Velvet were the only ones left. “Okay, dickweed, I wanna know where my money is, and I wanna know right now!” Fizzaroli shouted. 

“Okay,” the Mask smiled, before he pulled out a calculator. “You've got 17.5% in T-bills amortized over the fiscal year, 8% in stocks and bonds. Carry the nine, divide by the gross national product. Fortunately, funeral bouquets are deductible,” he said. 

“Kill this bastard!” Fizzaroli shouted.

Velvet began shooting, but the Mask dodged every shot. “Hit him! Actually hit him!” Fizzaroli yelled.

As the Mask dodged bullets, he kept spinning to change his costume. When he spun into a cowboy costume, he finally stopped. “You got me, partner,” he said.

“Finally,” Fizzaroli said.

The Mask walked over to them, clutching his side. He landed in Velvet’s arms. “Hold me close, Red. I... it's gettin' dark,” he said, before coughing. “Tell Aunty Em to let Old Yeller out,” he said, before coughing again.

“Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas,” the Mask cried, before going into another coughing fit. “Tell Scarlet I do give a damn,” he finished, before dying in Velvet’s arms. 

“Is he done?” Velvet asked. 

Just then, an award appeared. The Mask smiled and grabbed it. “Thank you! You love me. You really love me!” he exclaimed.

He began walking away, but came face to face with the barrel of Fizzaroli’s gun. “You're not going anywhere,” he said. 

The Mask bounced away, dodging more of Fizzaroli and Velvet’s gunshots. As soon as the Mask was gone, Alastor and some other police officers ran in. “Drop your guns!” Alastor ordered

“Hey, Allie!” Fizzaroli smiled. 

“I said drop it!” Alastor growled. 

“Okay, okay,” Fizzaroli said, as he and Velvet put their guns down. “Do you have a warrant this time, or did you just stop by for a few drinks?” he asked.

“I’ll have you know that I have a probable cause. Some of your associates were spotted robbing Edge City Bank. And one of 'em was wearing a red and white mask,” Alator explained.

“Congratulations, Alastor! You're right for once! Except it wasn't one of my goons. Maybe if you tried a little actual police work…” Fizzaroli began. 

“Cuff him!” Alastor shouted. 

As Fizzaroli and Velvet were being handcuffed, a police officer named Nifty ran in. “Hey, Lieutenant, there’s a body upstairs. It's one of the guys from the heist,” she said.

“Excellent work, dear,” Alastor replied, before he looked back at Fizzaroli. “I suggest you call that high-priced lawyer of yours, Brightman. You and I are going downtown to have a talk,” he said.

“Get them out of here!” yelled Alastor. 

As Fizzaroli and Velvet were led away, Alastor spotted something on the ground. He went over and picked it up, realizing it was a piece of horse-patterned pajamas. “Rogers….” Alastor muttered, instantly putting two and two together.


	5. Looking for the Mask

The next morning, Blitzo woke up to knocking at his door. “Mr. Blitzo, I know you're in there!” yelled Alastor. 

“Fuck,” Blitzo whispered.

He went to hide the mask in his closet, but when he opened the door, money poured out. “Rogers, I know you're in there!” Alastor called. 

Blitzo frantically tried to stuff the money back in the closet. “I’m coming!” he shouted. 

“Don’t take too long!” Alastor returned.

Blitzo pulled open the door and smiled at Alastor. “Hi there, lieutenant. Listen, this isn't the best time right now…” he began. Alastor stepped inside and started looking around. “Yes, please come in,” he said.

“Sorry to intrude, but I must get right to business. Where were you last night, sir?” Alastor asked. 

“Here mostly. Why?” Blitzo asked.

“What do you know about this "Mask" character?” asked Alastor. 

“Who?” Blitzo asked.

“I ask you not to insult my intelligence, Rogers. He robs the bank you work in, and then I find this in the Loo Loo Club,” Alastor stated, as he held up the torn fabric from Blitzo’s pajamas. “There can't be two people with such hideous pajamas,” he said. 

Loona began barking at the closet, and Blitzo picked her up. “C’mere, girl,” he said.

“May I see those pajamas, Mr. Blitzo?” Alastor asked. 

“Those pajamas? They were….stolen,” Blitzo answered. 

Alastor raised an eyebrow. “Somebody stole your pajamas?” he asked. 

“Yeah. I mean….what the hell is this city coming to when a man's pajama drawer isn’t even safe?” Blitzo asked.

“...yes, well, I suppose I’ll be on my way. Sorry to disturb you,” Alastor smiled, before he left the apartment.

Later that day, Alastor and his work partner Angel were going over the bank’s surveillance footage. “Damn, look at that guy. Nobody's that fast at my bank,” Angel said. 

“I'll say,” Alastor agreed, before pausing when the Mask was near the camera. 

“I don't know, Al, that's one hell of a rubber mask,” Angel said. 

“What do the lab reports say?” Alastor asked. 

“We got a couple fingerprints on some of the currency, but nothing matches Brightman's boys. Looks like this guy beat 'em to the punch,” Angel replied. 

“Get the bank employee files and run down the prints on a gentleman named Rogers, Blitzo Rogers,” said Alastor.

“Ya think it was an inside job, huh?” Angel asked. 

“Indeed. And all I need are a couple of prints to lock this psychopath up till doomsday,” Alastor explained.

Elsewhere, Fizzaroli was with his gang. “50 grand. 50 grand to whoever finds that candy cane motherfucker before the cops do. I want you to get the word out to every street hustler, to every lowlife in this town. You understand? I want him here tomorrow, alive,” he explained.

“Now, get the hell out of my sight!” Fizzaroli shouted.

His gang members left the room, and soon Fizzaroli and Stolas were the only people left. Fizzaroli noticed his boyfriend giving him the side eye. “What? Do I have something on my face?” Fizzaroli asked. 

“You're losing it, Fizzaroli,” Stolas sighed. 

“Oh, no, I'm not losing anything...except maybe some extra baggage around here,” Fizzaroli grinned. 

“What do you mean by that?” Stolas asked. 

“All I’m saying is, you weren't putting up much of a fight with that clown last night, when he kissed you,” Fizzaroli replied. 

“Do you think I had much of a choice?” Stolas asked. 

“Maybe you did...maybe you didn't. Who knows, right?” Fizzaroli shrugged, before he grabbed Stolas by the shoulders. “I'll tell you one thing, nobody crosses me. Not even you, sweetheart,” he stated.

Meanwhile, Blitzo headed into work and was immediately greeted by Pentious. “Rogers! We have a crisis on our hands here, and you dare to come in over an hour late?” he asked.

“Back off, dickhead! Or else I’ll tell your daddy you're running this place like it's your own personal piggy bank. Or maybe we should call the IRS, and see if we can arrange a little vacation for you at Club Fed!” Blitzo shouted.

Pentious glared at him, but sighed. “That'll be all, Rogers,” he said, before walking off. 

Husk walked over to Blitzo. “Holy shit….What side of whose bed did you wake up on?” he asked.

“I don't know. I haven't really been myself lately,” Blitzo replied. 

“Yeah, you don’t look so good, Blitzo,” Husk said.

“Do I look like shit?” Blitzo asked.

“Hey, I got something to make you feel better. Two tickets to the charity ball at the Loo Loo Club this Saturday night. I felt kinda bad that you couldn’t get in last time, and hoped this would make up for it. So, wanna go?” Husk asked. 

“I don't know, Husk, I…” Blitzo started, before he saw Stolas walk into the bank. “Gimme a sec,” he said, before hurrying to Stolas. “Stolas, whatcha doing here?” he asked. 

“I wanted to thank you for all your help, but, I'm not sure if I have much to open an account with anymore,” Stolas explained. 

“What about the club? I thought you were doing great,” Blitzo said. 

“Oh, I don’t want you to worry about it. I'll be okay,” Stolas replied. 

“Hey Stolas, you didn't stop by just to see me, did you?” Blitzo asked. Stolas bit his lip, and Blitzo gave him a gentle nudge. “C’mon, you can tell me,” he said. 

“The man they say robbed this place...the Mask….I think he was at the club last night,” Stolas explained. 

“Really? They say he's pretty...weird looking,” Blitzo said. 

“Perhaps, but you ought to see him dance,” replied Stolas, with a wistful smile. “So did anyone find out who he is?” he asked.

“Why, are you interested?” Blitzo asked.

“Only curious, I suppose,” Stolas answered.

“You'd like to see him again, right?” Blitzo asked.

“In all honesty, more than anything,” Stolas sighed.

“I know him,” Blitzo said.

“You do?” Stolas asked.

“We're old college pals, him and me. And it's funny you should mention the way he dances because…” Blitzo started, before he slid over to Stolas. “I pretty much taught him everything he knows,” he finished. 

“Do you think you could have him meet me tonight? Please?” Stolas asked.

“I might be able to work something out,” Blitzo shrugged.

“How about at Landfill Park?” Stolas asked.

“Okay. Sunset?” Blitzo asked.

“Perfect,” Stolas smiled.

“Hell yeah,” Blitzo nodded.

“Thank you, Blitzy. You really are the nicest,” Stolas said.

He placed a kiss on Blitzo’s cheek before walking away. Blitzo stared in disbelief and smiled to himself. “Looks like we got ourselves a date,” he said quietly.


	6. Landfill Park

In order to get more questions answered about his mask, Blitzo stopped by the office of Dr. Vaggie Polilla in an effort to get them answered. After looking over the mask for a while, she came to a few conclusions. 

“This is an interesting piece, Mr. Rogers. Looks like fourth or fifth century Scandinavian, possibly a representation of one of the Norse night gods...maybe Loki,” Vaggie explained. 

“Loki? Who the hell is Loki?” Blitzo asked.

“The Norse god of mischief. Supposedly he caused so much trouble, that Odin banished him from Valhalla forever,” replied Vaggie. 

“Then he could've banished him into that mask!” Blitzo exclaimed, as Vaggie shot him a look.

“I'm talking about mythology, Mr. Rogers. This is a piece of wood,” she said. 

“But your book!” Blitzo yelled.

“My book is about masks as metaphor, Mr. Rogers. A metaphor... not to be taken literally. You seem….delusional,” Vaggie said. 

“All right. I'm going to prove it to you. But I am not responsible for the consequences. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, you bitch ass hoe,” Blitzo stated, as he grabbed the mask. 

“I’m not fucking scared of you,” Vaggie said. 

“See ya!” Blitzo said. He put on the mask, only he didn’t transform. Dejected, Blitzo put the mask down. “Okay! You said Loki was a night god. Maybe it only works at night,” he said.

“Rogers, do you want me to set you up with a therapist or something?” Vaggie asked.

“No. I've got to see Stolas. But do I go as myself or the Mask?” Blitzo asked.

“If I tell you, do you swear to get the fuck out of my office?” Vaggie asked. Blitzo nodded, and she sighed. “Fine. Blitzo Rogers, go as yourself and as The Mask, because they are both one and the same….great person,” she said.

“....yeah okay, sounds good,” Blitzo said, before he left the office. 

That night, Blitzo was waiting by a park bench for Stolas. What he didn’t know was that Alastor and Angel were watching from the bushes. Stolas walked over and gave Blitzo a smile. 

“Blitzy, what are you doing here?” he asked.

“Hey there, Stolas. I just wanted to come by and make sure that you two got together all right,” Blitzo answered.

“That’s sweet of you,” Stolas said, before he sat on the bench beside Blitzo. “You know, I hardly ever stop by here. It's hard to believe the park was once a garbage heap,” he said. 

“Yeah, it's pretty beautiful right around sunset. The methane emissions really pick up the colors,” Blitzo replied, as he referred to the colors in the sky. 

“Wow...greens and reds…” Stolas said.

“Uh….you know, my friend will be here any second... I better go,” Blitzo said, as he got up from the bench. 

“Blitzy, wait. Blitzo?” Stolas called.

It was too late, Blitzo walked off. Seconds later, the Mask spun over to Stolas. “Hello, chére, we meet again. Is it fate? Is it destiny? Is it written in the stars, that we are destined to fraternize? I'd sure as hell hope so!” he exclaimed. 

The Mask pulled Stolas into a dip. “Kiss me, baby, and I will reveal my croissant. I will spread your pâté. Or you can top me if you want!” he smiled.

Stolas, startled by all of this, kneed the Mask in the groin and left his grasp. “You are so coy. I love it!” the Mask shouted. 

He hurried back over to Stolas. “Our love is like a red, red rose, and I am a little thorny. Get it? Cause I’m a horny son of a bitch!” the Mask laughed. “Je t'adore. Je t'adore. Je te window, I don't care!” he exclaimed.

As he and Angel watched, Alastor spoke into his walkie talkie. “This is Alastor. I need backup, and I need it now,” he said. 

The Mask started to calm down, and he sat beside a slightly uneasy Stolas. “Cigarette? No?” the Mask asked. He took a drag from his own cigarette, and used the smoke to make a heart shape in the air. That got an amused smile out of Stolas. 

“Now, like Napoleon, I will divide and conquer,” the Mask said.

At that moment, Angel and Alastor emerged from their hiding place. “Rogers, police!” Alastor shouted.

“FUCKING DAMNIT!” the Mask yelled, as Stolas ran off.

“Freeze!” Alastor shouted, making the Mask jump up and freeze in midair. “Put your hands up,” he added.

“But you told me to freeze,” the Mask returned.

“Fine, fine, unfreeze,” Alastor sighed. The Mask unfroze and fell to the ground. “You are under arrest,” he said.

“No, it wasn't me. It was the bowler hat guy!” the Mask yelled, before he stood up. “All right, I confess. I did it, you hear? And I'm glad...glad, I tell you! What are they gonna do to me, Sarge? What are they gonna do?!” he asked.

“Sorry, my friend, that isn’t my department,” Alastor replied, as he put a pair of cuffs on the Mask. “Search him,” he ordered.

Angel quickly started searching the Mask’s pockets. “Hey! Where's a camcorder when you need one?” the Mask asked.

Meanwhile, at the office for ‘The Tribune’, Verosicka noticed her boss Colin walking by. “Well, looks like it's gonna be a long night,” he sighed.

“What is it, Colin?” Verosicka asked.

“The police have your friend Blitzo staked out at Landfill Park,” Colin replied. 

“Let me cover it, Colin. I really need this story. Please?” Verosicka asked.

“Oh, I don't know, Verosicka….” Colin began.

“Please?” Verosicka pleaded. 

“Okay,” Colin sighed.

Verosicka smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thanks a million. I owe you one,” she said, before rushing out the door. 

Back in the park, Angel and Nifty, who had just gotten there, were still taking things out of the Mask’s pockets.

“Really big sunglasses….bike horn…..small-mouth bass,” Angel muttered. 

“Bowling pin…...Mousetrap…...Rubber chicken. I don't know,” Nifty said, as she took something out.

Angel looked over at it. “Oh, that’s a dildo,” he answered, before taking more things out of the Mask’s pockets. “Funny eyeball glasses,” he said.

“I've never seen those before in my life,” the Mask smiled.

“Bazooka,” Nifty said.

“I have a permit for that!” the Mask replied. 

“Picture of Alastor's wife,” Angel said.

“What?” Alastor asked, as he took the picture frame from Angel.

“Uh-oh…” the Mask said.

Alastor looked at the picture. It was of a blonde woman in a red nightgown, and she had her phone number scribbled in the corner. “Charlotte!” Alastor yelled, before he glared at the Mask. “You filthy dog!” he shouted. 

“Damn, I figured you had a sense of humor. After all, you married her!” the Mask exclaimed.

Alastor shouted again, and the Mask slapped both him and Angel. “That's gotta hurt,” he said, before running away. 

“Get him!” Alastor shouted, before noticing that he and Angel’s wrists were cuffed together. “Angel!” he yelled.

The Mask ran out of the park and shut the gate behind him. He thought it was all over, but then he saw dozens of police officers, all pointing their guns at him. “It's all over, Rogers! Put your hands over your head, or we'll open fire!” shouted a police officer named Baxter.

The Mask said nothing, he only smiled. “Hit it!” he yelled.

Miraculously, the Mask’s costume changed and music started. Police officers watched in confusion, unsure what to make of this.

“They call me Cuban Pete  
I'm the king of the rumba beat  
When I play the maracas  
I go chick-chicky-boom,  
chick-chicky-boom!

Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete  
I'm the crazy man in the street  
When I start to  
dance, everything goes  
Chick-chicky-boom,  
chick-chicky-boom!” the Mask sang, as he danced in the street.

“The señoritas, they singin'  
And they swing with their lumbero  
It's very nice  
So full of spice

And when they dance and  
they bring a happy ring  
Without a care-o  
Singin' a song  
All the day long…” he continued, before walking over to an officer named Molly. 

“So...  
If you like the beat  
Take a lesson from Cuban Pete

And I'll teach you  
to chick-chicky-boom  
Chick-chicky-boom,  
chick-chicky-boom!” sang the Mask, as he waved his hands in Molly’s face. 

“He's a really modest guy  
Although he's the hottest guy  
In Havana!  
In Havana!” Molly sang. 

“Si, señorita, I know  
That you would like  
a chicky-boom, chick!” the Mask continued, as he started to dance with her. 

“It's very nice  
So full of spice!” sang more police officers, who were getting into the song. 

Alastor and Angel climbed the park gate, and watched the dancing unfold beneath them. 

“I place my hand on your hip  
And if you will just  
give me your hand  
Then we shall try, just you and I  
Aye aye aye!” the Mask sang

“He ain’t half bad,” Angel said. 

“Stop talking and help me down,” stated Alastor.

“Okay,” Angel nodded.

“And I'll teach you  
to chick-chicky-boom  
Chick-chicky-boom,  
chick-chicky-boom!” the Mask sang.

He started a conga line, and every police officer but Angel and Alastor joined in. The two of them watched as the Mask’s group dance number continued. Alastor noticed Angel begin to dance. “If you start dancing, I'll blow your brains out,” Alastor said. Angel rolled his eyes, but he stopped dancing anyway. 

The Mask finished up his dance number. “See ya!” he exclaimed, before running off. 

“There he is! Get him! Snap out of it!” Alastor yelled, trying to snap his employees back to reality. 

The Mask escaped down an alleyway and pulled the mask off of his face. Once he was Blitzo again, he sighed with relief. However, he remembered the police were still after him. “Now what the fuck do I do?!” he exclaimed.


	7. Explain This

As the police continued to look for Blitzo, Verosicka drove up beside him. “Blitzo! Get in!” she exclaimed.

Blitzo knew he didn’t have much of a choice, so he ran inside of her car. Verosicka took him to the printing area for ‘The Tribune’. 

“I saw it. I saw everything. What's happening to you, Blitzo?” Verosicka asked. 

“It's crazy. I'm losing control. When I put that mask on, I can do anything, be anything. But it's fucking up my life. My life is fucked!” Blitzo shouted.

“Look, I don't know what's happening to you, Blitzo...but I do know this. That letter that you sent my column? That was from a guy with more guts and more heart than any of the bastards that I've met in this city. Whatever that mask is, you don't need it. You, Blitzo Rogers, are already all you'll ever need to be,” Verosicka said, as she gave Blitzo a soft smile.

“Wow….Verosicka, do you really mean that?” Blitzo asked.

“Actually…..no,” Verosicka smirked.

“What the hell?” Blitzo asked.

The door swung open, and Fizzaroli and his goons walked in. “What took you assholes so long? I was stuck with this bitch for 20 minutes,” Verosicka said. 

“Is this him?” Fizzaroli asked.

“Depends. Do you have the money?” Verosicka asked. Fizzaroli rolled his eyes and passed her the briefcase of money. Verosicka took the mask from Blitzo and gave it to Fizzaroli. “When he puts on the mask, he turns into that red and white thing,” she said. 

“Verosicka…..what the fuck are you doing?” Blitzo asked nervously.

“Sorry, Blitzo. No hard feelings, but you know how hard it is to find an apartment in this city,” Verosicka shrugged, before she blew Blitzo a kiss. 

Fizzaroli snapped his fingers, and two goons led Blitzo up to the printing machine. “See you in hell, Blitzy!” Verosicka called.

“Hey, Blitzo! How does this mask work?” Fizzaroli asked. 

“I don't know! You just put it on!” Blitzo yelled, as the henchmen held him above the printer. 

“Fizz, you'd better be careful,” Velvet said, as her boss looked down at the mask in his hands. 

Fizzaroli put on the mask, and began to transform. The mask appeared different on him than it did on Blitzo, and the only red was on his nose. “What a rush!” he exclaimed.

“Holy shit, Fizz. You okay?” Velvet asked. 

“Better than ever, babes! It’s showtime!” Fizzaroli yelled. 

“What do we do with Blitzo?” Velvet asked. 

“The cops are looking for the Mask….so we'll give them the Mask,” Fizzaroli replied, before chuckling to himself.

Moments later, a car was parked outside of Blitzo’s apartment building. Blitzo was tied up in the back, and Travis pointed a gun at him. 

“Money better be here, Rogers, or you can kiss your ass goodbye,” he growled.

Inside the apartment, a few goons found the money. They were stuffing it into garbage bags as Loona watched from under the bed. The dog snuck out of the apartment while the men were distracted. Shortly afterwards, the car drove off with the money, and Loona ran behind it.

At the police station, Alastor was standing outside with Angel. “I can hardly believe it. Professional police officers danced in the street, and it wound up broadcasted all over the 11:00 news,” Alastor said. 

“I think the SWAT team got an offer to open in Vegas,” Angel added. 

“I'm history. The captain's going to confiscate my badge the minute he sees me,” Alastor sighed. 

“Aw, come on, Al, it ain’t all ya fault. Something will turn up!” smiled Angel.

“Of course. Blitzo Rogers is going to fall right into my lap!” Alastor shouted.

Just then, the car drove by with Blitzo hanging out the window. Travis threw him out, and he landed on top of Alastor. “Get him off!” Alastor shouted.

Angel rushed over and helped Alastor up. Alastor ripped the tape off of Blitzo’s mouth. “I know this looks bad, but I can explain everything,” Blitzo said. 

“Oh can you now?” Alastor asked, before he spotted a rubber mask beside Blitzo. “Explain this!” he demanded.

“Uh….” Blitzo started.

“Angel, let’s take him to his cell,” Alastor said.

Angel nodded, and the two of them led Blitzo inside. Soon Blitzo was locked in a cell. He sighed to himself, then heard barking outside. He looked through his tiny, barred mirror, and saw Loona standing below him.

“Loona! You better forget about me, girl. Find yourself a new place to live. Daddy’s going to be in here for a long, long time,” Blitzo said.

Loona whimpered, but she didn’t leave. The little dog curled up on a pile of trash, determined not to leave Blitzo’s side. Blitzo sighed to himself again, then tried to get some sleep.

The next day, Blitzo was woken up by Baxter, the guard on duty. “Hey you, with the face...you have a visitor,” he said.

To Blitzo’s surprise, Stolas walked over to the cell. “Stolas!” he gasped.

“Hello, Blitzo,” Stolas replied. 

“What are you doing here?” Blitzo asked.

“It’s true, isn’t it? You're the Mask,” Stolas said, with a hint of a smile on his face.

“Yeah, but don't tell anybody. If I get a good lawyer and strike up a deal, I can be out of here in about...a fucking century,” Blitzo said. “You know, you're taking a chance coming here. Your boyfriend might be a little upset,” he continued. 

“He's going to the charity ball tonight. He's going to do something terrible,” Stolas whispered. 

“Like what? The macarena?” Blitzo asked. 

“Blitzo, I’m being serious. There has to be a way to stop him. How does it work?” asked Stolas. 

“I really don't know. It... it's like, um...it's like it... it brings your innermost desires to life. If deep down inside, you're...kind of moody and a hopeless romantic, you become some kinda love-crazy wild man,” Blitzo explained. 

“And if you're someone like Fizzaroli?” Stolas asked.

“Then we're all fucked. And if I were you, I'd get out of town fast,” Blitzo answered. 

Stolas paused a moment, then he smiled. “Thank you,” he said. 

“For what?” Blitzo asked.

“Many things. For sharing a sunset with me. For being the only man who  
treats me like a person, and not some sort of party favor. For being a genuine romantic...even if you claim to be a hopeless one,” Stolas answered. 

“Well….um...you're welcome,” Blitzo replied.

“That evening at the club, I knew I'd found someone special,” Stolas sighed.

“The Mask,” Blitzo said.

“No. It was the man inside the mask. It was you all along. You, Blitzo...Rogers…” Stolas whispered.

The two of them got closer to one another, and were about to kiss through the prison bars. “Okay, time's up!” Baxter shouted, interrupting them. 

“Could I have just one more minute?” Blitzo asked.

“I've must disappear for a while now, Blitzo. I don't know where I'm gonna go, but I'll let you know as soon as I can,” Stolas said.

“Okay. I’ll miss you,” Blitzo replied.

“I’ll miss you as well….Blitzy,” Stolas said. He gave Blitzo one last smile, then walked out of the police station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend of mine, Mimilikesherbrownies, is doing a fic giveaway! If you’re interested, here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28281783/chapters/72342894?view_adult=true
> 
> Essentially, you comment a story idea, and one will be chosen to be made into a full fic. All the information is on chapter seventeen!


	8. Jailbreak

As Stolas left the police station, he was spotted by Fizzaroli’s goons. Stolas tried to avoid them, unfortunately, they followed him. He wound up getting chased down an alley. 

Blitzo heard Stolas’s screams from his cell, and he looked out of the window to see what was going on. He was shocked when he saw Stolas getting chased, so he looked towards Baxter.

“Hey! Asshole! There's a man being chased through the alleyway there. Come on, he needs help!” Blitzo yelled. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Keep it down, Rogers. I’m trying to read,” Baxter said. 

“Come on! Serve and protect, dipshit!” Blitzo shouted.

Just then, Blitzo got an idea. He looked out of his window, and saw Loona still curled up on the ground. “Loona! Loona, good girl. Can you jump up to the window?” he asked.

Loona walked over to the high window and stared at it. “Remember how I taught you not to jump up on people? Forget all that shit. Okay, come on. Come on!” Blitzo called. 

Loona tried jumping up to the window, but she never quite made it. “Come on! Come on, Loonie Toonie! You can do it! Loona, put some effort into it!” Blitzo yelled. 

Meanwhile, Fizzaroli cornered Stolas in the alley. “Honey! There you are. I was starting to get worried. Did you have a nice chat with the cops?” he asked. 

“I just went to see what Mr. Rogers told them,” Stolas returned. 

“Oh, that's right, you and Blitzo, right? You two are getting awfully close. Who knows? Maybe you helped him with that bank job…” Fizzaroli said.

“I did nothing of the sort,” Stolas stated. 

“Oh did you?” Fizzaroli asked.

Travis walked over, carrying a suitcase. “I found this in his car,” he said, as he threw it on the ground. 

Fizzaroli looked at it, then looked back at his boyfriend. “Are planning a little trip without me, sweetie?” he asked. 

“No, Fizzaroli,” Stolas answered. 

“No? Guys, I want you to pick Stolas out something sexy to wear, okay? 'Cause we're gonna go to a party tonight, and we're gonna have one hell of a time, aren't we?” Fizzaroli asked.

“Yes,” Stolas whispered. 

“Yes,” Fizzaroli repeated, with a sickening grin. “Now go get ready,” he said, as Stolas hurried away.

Elsewhere, Blitzo was still trying to get Loona to jump to his window. “Jump up! Come on, Loona! Pretty please! Do it for Daddy!” Blitzo exclaimed.

Loona gave the jump one final try and she made it up to the window. Blitzo smiled as he pulled the little dog through the bars on the window. “Fuck yes! Loona, I’m so proud of you! I can’t believe you did that,” he said, before setting Loona on the ground.

“Okay...see that asshole over there?” Blitzo asked, pointing at Baxter, who was fast asleep. “He's got keys. Go get those keys. Go get 'em,” he said. 

Loona slipped out between the bars of Blitzo’s cell and ran over to Baxter. She hopped onto the table and took the cheese out of his sandwich.

“No, not the cheese, the keys. Put the cheese down...and get the keys,” Blitzo explained. Loona did as she was told, and she grabbed the keys off of Baxter’s belt.

“Good girl,” Blitzo smiled, as Loona rushed back over. Blitzo took the keys from her and began to unlock his cell. “You are such a good girl, Loonie,” he said. 

As Loona was helping Blitzo break out of jail, Fizzaroli and Stolas were riding to the party in a limo. “It's sundown. It's almost time,” Fizzaroli said, before he noticed Stolas take out a cigarette.

“Hey, I wouldn't do that, sweetness,” Fizzaroli said, motioning to the explosives he had under a tarp. “We don’t want to start the show early,” he finished. Stolas nodded, an uneasy feeling grew inside of him.

“So, why don’t you relax and turn on the radio? I need to change for the party,” Fizzaroli grinned, before he put the mask on. There was the usual flash of lightning and spinning, and Stolas’s eyes were wide with fear.

Blitzo had finally got his cell door open. Baxter was still asleep, so Blitzo decided to grab his gun. As soon as Blitzo touched the gun, Baxter woke up. Blitzo immediately punched the police officer in the face. Baxter was knocked out, and Blitzo grabbed the gun off of him.

Before Blitzo could walk away, Alastor walked over, and the two screamed at the sight of each other. Without another word, Blitzo pointed the gun at Alastor. “I am warning you, I'm FUCKING stressed out today!!” he yelled. 

“Mr. Rogers, think this through,” Alastor said, as he put his hands up. “You're in the middle of a police station. I can assure you that you're not walking out of here like this,” he continued.

“You know, you're right. You're totally right,” Blitzo said. He took the handcuffs out of Alastor’s pocket. He put one cuff on Alastor’s wrist and the other cuff on his own.

“What on earth are you doing?” Alastor asked.

“You're going to take me out as your prisoner. And if you don’t cooperate, YOU CAN TALK TO MY FUCKING GUN!” Blitzo shouted.

“Alright, fine!” exclaimed Alastor.

“By the way, I'm very sorry about all this,” Blitzo said. 

“I'm sure you are,” Alastor nodded.

“Loona, c’mon!” Blitzo called, before the three of them headed out of the station.

As they left, the three of them passed by Angel. “Hey, Al. Where are ya taking Rogers?” he asked.

“Angel, il a une arme,” Alastor said, before Blitzo stepped on his foot. “Ow!” he shouted.

“Ya using French around me, Al?” Angel smirked. “What did that mean? I look cute or something?” he asked.

“Yep! He said you’re the sexiest bitch out there,” Blitzo lied. 

“That’s enough out of you,” Alastor stated, as the two of them walked off. 

They climbed into Alastor’s car, and Loona jumped in after them. Then, the group headed to the charity ball.


	9. Charity Ball

Later that night, many important people were gathered at the charity ball, including Vox and the mayor, Lucifer Magne. Husk was there as well, and he spotted a woman named Mimzy passing out cigarettes. “Can I get a pack of cigarettes?” he asked.

“Sure! Which brand?” Mimzy asked.

“Eh, surprise me. I don't smoke. But for you, I would shoot the Surgeon General,” Husk smiled. 

Blitzo and Alastor were still on their way, with Blitzo at the wheel. “Could you please let me out of these cuffs?! Your driving is atrocious!” Alastor shouted. 

“Not now! We're already late for the ball,” Blitzo returned. 

“Ah yes, Alice and the White Rabbit are going to be so disappointed,” Alastor said. 

“Now you're being fucking cynical,” Blitzo muttered. 

Back at the party, Fizzaroli walked in, wearing the mask. Everyone was immediately confused. “Who the hell are you?” Vox asked.

“I'm just an ex-employee, who's come for his back pay...or should I say payback?” Fizzaroli grinned.

“Fizzaroli?” Vox asked. 

“Kill him!” Fizzaroli ordered.

A shootout started between Vox’s and Fizzaroli’s goons. Vox tried shooting at Fizzaroli, but the mask kept him from getting hurt. Everyone halted their fire when Fizzaroli held up a hand. He spat Vox’s bullets back out at him, killing him. 

“Ladies and gentlemen...I will be your host, for the remainder of the evening! This is gonna be so much fun!” Fizzaroli exclaimed.

Just outside, Alastor and Blitzo finally pulled up to the club. Loona had curled up on Alastor’s lap. “Mr. Blitzo, get your filthy dog away from me,” he said.

“First of all, she isn’t filthy. And I can’t help it if she seems to be attracted to you,” Blitzo shrugged. “Okay, I'm gonna have to lock you in. Use the radio if you need to call for backup or some shit,” he added.

Blitzo looked down at Loona. “Loona, this could be dangerous. You stay here and be a good girl. Daddy's gonna to have to go kick some ass,” he stated, before leaving the car. 

“He's a dead man,” Alastor said. 

Inside of the club, it was pure chaos. Civilians were in panic, and Fizzaroli tied Stolas to a post. “You bastard!” Stolas shouted. 

“What's the matter, honey? This is your big production number. After all, every good performer goes out with a bang!” Fizzaroli chuckled, as he placed TNT at Stolas’s feet. 

Blitzo snuck in, and he saw Husk. “Husk!” he called.

“Blitzo?! What the hell are you doing here?” Husk asked. 

“Long story,” Blitzo replied, as he handed Husk a gun. “Look, take this. Start sneaking people out the back,” he said.

“Okay, be careful,” Husk nodded, before he hurried off.

“TNT is all set, Fizz,” Velvet said. 

“Great. This party's over...in ten minutes,” Fizzaroli said, as he set the explosive’s timer. 

Blitzo watched from under a table. “This is the moment of truth, when a man shows what he's really made of,” he whispered.

Just then, Blitzo spotted Travis pointing a gun at him. “Shit,” Blitzo said.

“Drop it, Rogers,” Travis growled. Blitzo did so, and Travis dragged him away. 

In the parking lot, Alastor was still stuck in the car with Loona. She managed to unlock the door and get out. “Are you joking me?” Alastor asked, as Loona hurried into the club. 

Travis dragged Blitzo near the stage Fizzaroli and Stolas were on. “Hey, boss, look who decided to crash the party!” Travis shouted. 

“Hi, Fizzaroli, how's it going?” Blitzo asked. 

“Ohhh! Bring him up here!” Fizzaroli exclaimed. 

“Fizzaroli! Fizzaroli, wait, no!” Stolas pleaded. 

“Sorry, sweetie. No last requests for you,” Fizzaroli said. 

“But all I wanted was a kiss,” Stolas innocently said.

“A kiss?” Fizzaroli asked.

“Just one last kiss,” Stolas replied. 

“Fizzaroli, I can't shut this thing off!” Velvet interjected. 

“There's always time for one last kiss!” Fizzaroli shouted. He turned back to Stolas, a nasty smirk on his face. 

“But I want it from the real Fizzaroli, the one I used to love. Nobody ever kissed me like Fizzaroli Brightman,” Stolas purred.

“Fizz, this whole place is going to blow in a couple of minutes!” Velvet screamed. 

“Hold your damn horses! I've decided to give him one last thrill,” Fizzaroli said, before he took the mask off. 

He and Stolas kissed passionately. However, as they were kissing, Stolas kicked the mask out of Fizzaroli’s hand. Fizzaroli broke away, and watched as the mask sailed through the air. Many of Fozzaroli’s goons jumped to catch it, but Loona leapt up and caught it like a frisbee. 

“Run, Loona!” Blitzo shouted. Loona ran away, clutching the mask tightly, as the goons began to chase her down. 

Blitzo hurried over to Stolas to try freeing him from his restraints. “Blitzo, hurry!” Stolas exclaimed

“Don't worry, Stolas, it's gonna be just fine,” Blitzo said. 

As he said that, Fizzaroli ran over. He punched Blitzo, then tackled the shorter man to the ground. 

Loona was still running, but was stopped when Velvet grabbed her by the legs. “Gotcha!” Velvet grinned. Loona dropped the mask in surprise, but then she attempted to put it on. The dog began spinning as she transformed. 

On the other side of the room, Fizzaroli was still on top of Blitzo. “I'm gonna take you apart!” Fizzaroli shouted.

“Well, I hope you can enjoy the victory with one fucking eye!” Blitzo exclaimed, as he poked Fizzaroli in the eye. Blitzo pushed Fizzaroli off of him. While Fizzaroli was disoriented, Blitzo charged at him and slammed him into a table.

Meanwhile, Loona finally stopped spinning. Oddly, she was a taller, anthropomorphic version of herself. “HOLY CRAP THAT’S NOT NORMAL!” Velvet screamed, as she let go and reached for her gun.

Loona rolled her eyes and punched Velvet in the face. “Well fuck you too,” she said, before pausing. “Woah.....I can talk. That’s cool I guess,” she shrugged, before walking off to find Blitzo.

Blitzo was still beating Fizzaroli to a pulp. “Ha! I’m winning!” Blitzo smiled. Fizzaroli kneed Blitzo in the groin, making him recoil in pain. Blitzo got beat for another minute or two, then he punched Fizzaroli in the face, and sent him flying back. 

Just then, Blitzo spotted Loona beating up goons, before she casually walked over to him. “Loona! Oh my gosh! Can you talk? I always wanted to know what you’d say to me!” Blitzo smiled, before he pulled her into a hug. 

“Um..okay, stop hugging me,” Loona said.

“Fair enough!” Blitzo exclaimed, as he let her go. 

Loona took off the mask and reverted back to her ordinary self. Blitzo dove behind the bar to put it on. As he was back there, Velvet and Travis started to shoot at it. They were shocked to see the Mask pop up and sit on the counter. 

“Did you miss me?” he asked. He sipped on a drink, and it spilled out through the bullet holes in his body. “I guess not!” the Mask exclaimed, as he jumped down. 

“Now, you have to ask yourself one question, ‘Do I feel lucky?’” he asked, before pulling out an array of huge guns. “Well do ya, punks?” the Mask smirked. The goons ran away, and the Mask chuckled as flags shot out of his fake guns. 

“Blitzo!” Stolas called.

The Mask ran over, picked up the explosives, and ate them. “That's a spicy meatball!” he exclaimed, before belching up fire. 

Fizzaroli ran over, knife in hand. “This guy's incorrigible,” the Mask said. He took out a paint palette, and painted a toilet flusher onto the wall. As Fizzaroli kept running over, the Mask pulled the flusher, and sent Fizzaroli down the drain. 

“You were good, kid, real good. But as long as I'm around, you'll always be second best, see?” the Mask said.

Blitzo took the mask off and looked back at Stolas. The two of them smiled lovingly at each other and they moved in to kiss. “Police! Hands up!” a voice shouted. 

The two saw Husk run in with police officers to take away the remaining goons. “Officers, arrest those guys. I always wanted to say that,” Husk muttered. 

Alastor walked over to Husk. “Give me that gun,” he said, as he took the gun out of Husk’s hand.

Blitzo and Stolas saw this as their opportunity to leave. Stolas was freed, he and Blitzo headed outside, with Loona close behind them.


	10. Smokin!

As Blitzo and Stolas walked out of the club, they saw police officers asking civilians questions and taking away the gang members. 

“Rogers!” Alastor shouted, as he ran over. “I've got you now, Rogers!” he exclaimed, before running into a blonde man. “Watch where you’re going, you-,” he began, before studying the man’s face. “Mayor Magne, I'm terribly sorry,” he said.

“What the hell's wrong with you, Alastor?” Lucifer asked.

“That man is the Mask,” Alastor replied, pointing at Blitzo. 

“No, Fizzaroli Brightman was the Mask. I saw it with my own eyes. This fine young man just saved our lives,” Lucifer said. 

“With a little help from his friends,” Husk added, as if he had been apart of the entire thing.

“Wow, ya a real hero. Ya single?” Angel asked.

“Angel!” Alastor shouted. 

“Well, it's nothing any American with balls of steel wouldn't do for his community. Loona, come on, girl!” Blitzo called.

He, Husk, and Stolas walked off. Loona trailed behind them, taking the Mask with her. Alastor’s eyes widened at the sight of it.

“Look! That dog! Mayor Magne, did you see that dog?” Alastor asked. 

“Leave the dog alone. I want to see you in my office, first thing tomorrow morning,” Lucifer stated.

“Yes, sir,” Alastor sighed, as he watched the mayor walk away. 

“Shit, that doesn't sound good at all,” Angel said. 

“No, it most certainly does not sound good. What would sound good to you?” Alastor asked. 

“Breakfast,” Angel answered.

“Shut up!” yelled Alastor.

Meanwhile, Blitzo, Husk, Stolas, and Loona had driven to the bridge. 

“You sure you know what you're doing, Blitzo?” Husk asked.

“I'm sure,” Blitzo nodded.

“Then do what you got to do,” Husk smiled.

Blitzo smiled back, then he took the mask and stepped out of the car. Stolas followed him out, and the two stood by the railing near the water. 

“Sure you're not going to miss this guy? When he's gone, all that's left is me,” Blitzo said.

“And I wouldn’t want it any differently,” Stolas smiled.

Without another word, Stolas pulled Blitzo into a passionate kiss. Blitzo happily kissed him back. This was better than the kiss they had at the club. This time there was nothing in between them. It was only Blitzo and Stolas, and it was perfect. 

As they kissed, Blitzo threw the mask over the railing. Husk watched it fall, and despite his instincts, he jumped in after it. Husk started swimming towards it, but then he saw that Loona had already gotten to it. “Loona!” Husk shouted, as he swam after her. 

Blitzo and Stolas finally pulled away, and they gave one another loving smiles. “Smokin'!” Blitzo exclaimed, before he kissed Stolas once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes another parody! Thank you all so much for reading it, and I hope that you guys liked it! I’m thinking I want my next parody to be a Disney movie, possibly Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, or the Emperor’s New Groove or something, but I’m not sure yet.
> 
> Anyhow, thanks again for reading! Love you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I just want to give a quick disclaimer about movie ideas. I like hearing all of your ideas, however, I don’t want any of you to get disappointed if I don’t do a movie you mentioned right away. It’s nothing personal, I promise. I’m just more likely to do a film I know or love before I do something I’ve never seen before.
> 
> Don’t get me wrong, you guys can still leave movie ideas! I love hearing them and your feedback means the world to me! I’m only saying that if I don’t write for a movie you mentioned right away, it isn’t anything personal. I love you guys! ❤️


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